So deep in balls.

I am so deep in Ball stuff right now I can barely see straight. I dream of invitations, programs, step&repeats and speeches. I stress over details no one else will ever notice or think about. I’m currently so tired from staring at a Tri-Fold raffle ticket display piece…that my eyeballs may just squeeze out of my head.

Do eyeballs squeeze out of one’s head? …maybe. Mine may be the first.

I thought I had escaped gowns and dinner choices when my wedding reception ended.

Sigh.

One more week of crazy stress and I will be back. Back to being a working momma with a side business. No more fancy, formal ball committee until next year.

So. Deep. In. Balls.

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Guns & Balls.

I am on a committee to plan the first Police Officers Ball in our area in a decade. I found myself on this list after answering a chain email asking for help. I then caught swine flu after a particularly aggressive cuddlefest with my daughter and was sick for a week. When I returned I had assignments and responsibilities.

So now I’m planning a ball (when I’ve never been to one) for lots of armed people. Awesome.

To be fair, I’m not doing much of the planning. I’m an amazing “brain storm” girl but with my current work load/baby load/side work load, there’s no way I can do much more than theorize great party plans and contribute some design work. (Also, my idea of a “Prom Themed Ball” didn’t go over real well.)

To top things off, I was guilted into raising the money for/gathering the ingredients for AND building several gift baskets that would be raffled off at a separate fundraiser a couple weeks from now. I have an addiction to fundraisers. I love them.

So here I go on another whirlwind season of planning.

On a side note, I have completed my new office and simply need to collect the masses of children’s’ books/socks/toys that gather on the floor and pictures of the complete project will be up soon. (Additional side note, it’s badass.)

For now I shall leave you with yet another promise to return soon…and this…

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Yup. That’s my daughter’s awesome Valentines Day card to all of our family. Saving that one for the Wedding Video!!!

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What The “Happy” Bride Isn’t Saying

I received plenty of feedback from my recent post, “What Your Bridesmaids Aren’t Saying” and decided it’s about time to represent my Brides.

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For all you beautiful, blushing Brides forcing smiles when that bitchy Bridesmaid picks out prostitute shoes for your outdoor ceremony…I’ve got you covered.

* Please note, this list is much smaller than my previous Bridesmaid-centered rambling for one simple reason. The Bride is (almost) always right. Bridal party members should keep their head down, their mouths shut and march on! *

What The “Happy” Bride Isn’t Saying

1. You may not like that the pleats on your Bridesmaid dress make your ass look big, but guess what? It’s my day and I’m supposed to look hot. The focus won’t be on your ass any way.

Shut the fuck up and work that dress.

2. No one understands more than I, that you have been waiting for your  boyfriend to propose for years. But make it known to that d-bag that if he pops out a ring at my wedding…I’ll kill him. It’s not murder if he had full warning and chooses to die.

I’m footing the bill for this party, that means you don’t get to hijack it.

3. Do not look like a hooker. Unless you are a hooker…in which case, be you.

No hooking before the toasts.

4. You are my favorite, most loved friend. We have shared in so many great adventures. Now just imagine that all those floral appointments and food tastings I drag you to are actually great lady nights full of wine and sweaty man muscles.

It will all be over soon. Bear with me.

5. It is your sole responsibility as my Ladies at Arms to make me look good. Whether that means: Explaining away my fit of hysteria at the reception, Pulling me aside before the ceremony for a last minute curl touch up, Or even just dabbing away the happy tears your toast caused so my mascara doesn’t run. Keep me looking beautiful.

You’ve always been my wing-woman in the battle of single-hood. My wedding day is where shit gets real.

6. Do not sleep with/make-out with/feel up or puke on my future-husband/brother/father/father-in-law/grandfather. I say this because it happens.

I love you but booty-calls with my family are not okay.

7. I realize that I have been a horrible, monster of a Bridezilla but one day I will return to that loving person you once knew and there will again be peace in the kingdom.

Until then, just picture yourself as a General in my ninja Bridesmaid army. Do your time and you will be greatly rewarded in Heaven…with wine…and maybe Chris Hemsworth.

Mmm. Chris Hemsworth.

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Freakin’ Fabulous Friday Freebie – Dirty Pictionary

Yes. It has been a very long time since I offered a Freebie. But give me a break. I have a life too, homies!

Remember when I told you what a huge success the Dirty Pictionary game was at the recent bachelorette party I hosted? (Check all the details out here.)

Well, here’s your key to making such an easy (totally sweet) game work for you. Print off these Dirty Pictionary Clues, cut and throw them in a hat/bowl/Pimp cup or whatever roundish container you have available. Drag out some paper and a sharpie. Boom. Dirty Pictionary is born.

Dirty Pictionary Clues

CAUTION! This is a VERY adult game full of sex, sex and more sex. I highly recommend it for bachelorette parties, nights out with the girls, sex toy parties and even divorce parties.

Even though I’ve mentioned mostly female get-togethers, let me warn you that if you play this game at a Unisex party, the boys will get VERY competitive. In fact, the Bride who’s bachelorette party I hosted, is planning on playing the game at their upcoming Christmas party!

Again, this game is awesome and watching a bunch of men draw “Nipple Tassels” while their friends are yelling “Lactation!” will make for one of your all-time Life Highlights.

Let me know what you think!

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Bachelorette Party Planning

The Big Wedding has come and gone. But before I get into all of that, I thought I should catch you up on all of the Bachelorette madness.

Remember these?

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The invite definitely set the tone for the evening. (Purchase your version here)

We started at a hotel in the center of town chosen because of it’s full kitchens and great views. The Bachelorette party met in my room where jello shots and Drunken Strawberries covered the countertop. (Recipe for Drunken Strawberries can be found below.)

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The Recipe for Drunken Strawberries is simple but a hit at every party. A large package of fresh strawberries + An entire bottle of Chocolate Vodka. Combine both in a large bowl. Cover. Refrigerate for 24 hours. When the liquor has taken on a pink tint and smells like jell-o, the strawberries are ready. Drain the liquor (set aside for shots later) and pat dry each berry. Display properly and BRAG about your Vodka Infused “Drunken Strawberries!”

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I bought a mix of Mardi Gras beads for the ladies since I did not know everyone personally AND was the DD, so in order to make sure I didn’t leave anyone behind, I counted beads.

We played a couple of games while everyone arrived. One of my biggest petpeeves is going to an event and 1.)Staring awkwardly in silence at people I don’t know OR 2) Playing lame games to pass the time.

So I broke out the two best of my time-tested Bachelorette Games. (I had a third game planned just in case one flopped…but neither did.)

First, The Perfect Husband game.

I handed out small containers of play-doh which were purchased at Target for $5. Each lady was told to close her eyes and imagine the perfect husband for the Bride. They were then given a minute, still with their eyes closed to mold the perfect husband. Ofcourse most of the time, the play-doh figures became tiny figures with giant wieners. Sometimes the figures were simply penises with no bodies. After a few drunken strawberries the play-doh men became more and more disfigured…and their weiners became larger and larger…

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Next we opened some presents to give the last stragglers some more time to make the party.

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Finally, we played the best game of the night, Dirty Pictionary. (The game was such a hit during our Pre-Game festivities at the hotel, that we ended up meeting up with the Bachelor party later and playing for hours into the morning!)

The rules are the same as classic Pictionary, each team picks a random topic and must draw it out. The topics were everything from “lingerie” to “strap on” to “Debbie Does Dallas.” Hilarious. Simple. And party favors for the Bride in the way of awesome hand-drawn art!

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We then gathered the ladies in our strictly enforced Black Dress attire and dined at a fancy sushi restaurant. Eventually, we made it to the swanky cocktail bar next door where we engaged in an hour long game of “Never Have I Ever.” If you’re not familiar, each lady goes around the table and says, “Never have I ever…” and inserts some embarrassing event in their friend’s lives. For instance, “Never have I ever gotten drunk and woken up next to someone I didn’t know.” The ladies at the table who have had that embarrassing experience then must take a drink. Soon the stories become raunchier and the drinks become less full. And suddenly you know much more about your friends and family than you ever thought you would!

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Next, we ventured to a karaoke bar that had already closed for the night (for shame!) and then to the best beer bar in the city for a meeting with the Bachelor party.

The boys were toasted. The girls were sloshed. Chaos ensued.

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Soon we found ourselves back at the hotel engaged in a long and vicious game of Dirty Pictionary in which I found myself racking my brain for every dirty word and slang term I had ever heard of. “The Shocker.” “Two Girls and A Cup.” “Scissoring.” Good Lord, the game went on and on!

In the end, the girls had a great time and eventually got to bed around 4am. I slipped out around 8 to get home to my baby and husband. All and all the night was a success. And if the Facebook pictures and status updates were any indication, the girls had a great time as well.

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A special shout out to Keri of She’s With The Band Photography for the better shots of the party provided above!

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Recent Custom Orders in the Shop

If you follow my Facebook page, you will have already seen some of the cool Custom Orders I’ve been working on for super awesome people from around the world.

If you don’t follow my Facebook page…you are seriously missing out.

Check out some of the favorites below!

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Elephant Shower Facebook JPG

Parisienne WordSearch JPG

Facebook Bookplates

Jealous? Contact me for your own super sweet Custom Order! Or check me out on Etsy if you saw something you like!

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Pinterest of Interest – Bachelorette Style

We all want to be that badass hostess who throws the epic Bachelorette party. But seriously, there’s more to it than booze. (Pst. It’s mostly booze.) Gain some Bachelorette Inspiration here!

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1. A Rickety-Rack Polyvore Inspiration Board for that flashy night of hotness.

2. Magic Mike Inspired Bachelorette Cake. Awesome.

3. Bride-To-Be Sash (That’s not gross and tacky.)

4. Love this Half -Up look with the ribbon. Hot.

5. Moet Rose Champagne Bottle with gold paint pen! LOVE! All your favorite girls sign!

6. Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! – Huge amount of Jello Shot Recipes!

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7. Love this look for any event!

8. Fun Bachelorette Party look for a group!

9. Masquerade Themed Bachelorette Party!

10. One of my favorite Bachelorette themes – Little Black Dress Party!

 

Follow me on Pinterest for more Bachelorette Inspiration!

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